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too harsh

james.w

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Apparently I have been being mean on the forums. I am curious if this is the case or if there are too many sensitive people on here that can't handle the information or ideas they post questioned??
 

reptastic

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Ill put it this way, you have a way of coming at people that makes them feel belittled, I have gotten a few pm's, the comment in that one thread in which I responded to you, you don't have to be sensitive to not want to be talked down too
 

james.w

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reptastic said:
Ill put it this way, you have a way of coming at people that makes them feel belittled, I have gotten a few pm's, the comment in that one thread in which I responded to you, you don't have to be sensitive to not want to be talked down too

So because I don't sugar coat things, it is talking down to people? I don't feel I have talked down to anyone. If you don't mind could you post a few examples?
 

Bntegus

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what hurts is the truth lol doesn't matter how mean you are or aren't i think you just now what you are talking about and some times it hurts people feelings sorry if i was mean about my 2-cents
 

m3s4

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Being mean?

Really?

Is this a forum of mainly adults or 3rd graders?

From my experience on here and in the few times we've conversed, no, you aren't being mean.

Candid, frank and to the point? Yes.

Mean? No.

Ugh...You could always attach a disclaimer to your posts in the event you hurt someones e-peen in the process of chatting to them on a forum.

It is the int3rw3bz, wi3rd things 4r3 kn0wn to h4ppin 4r0und h3r3.
 

laurarfl

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Well, the wording in your question will automatically turn away anyone who will probably want to answer. You give two choices: 1) James is mean 2) There are too many sensitive people on here that can't handle information posted or their ideas questioned.

So it reads as if anyone who thinks a particular situation involving you is harsh is either insulting you or they are overly sensitive. There is no opportunity for objectivity and it is a flawed discussion from the beginning. In the end, people who think you are not mean and who believe they are not overly sensitive are the only ones who will post.
 

james.w

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m3s4 said:
Being mean?

Really?

Is this a forum of mainly adults or 3rd graders?

This is great, do you mind if I use this as my signature??

laurarfl said:
Well, the wording in your question will automatically turn away anyone who will probably want to answer. You give two choices: 1) James is mean 2) There are too many sensitive people on here that can't handle information posted or their ideas questioned.

So it reads as if anyone who thinks a particular situation involving you is harsh is either insulting you or they are overly sensitive. There is no opportunity for objectivity and it is a flawed discussion from the beginning. In the end, people who think you are not mean and who believe they are not overly sensitive are the only ones who will post.

I see your point. For those who feel I am too mean/rude/harsh/etc, they are free to post with an explanation that would show that I am mean and they are not overly sensitive. Reptastic posted his opinion and I don't feel he is overly sensitive nor did he insult me. Though I did ask for examples as I feel it is only fair.

By the way Laura, do you have an opinion on the subject?
 

Ujarak

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I have been reading this forum for quite some time although only have recently made an account. While i respect your knowlege in the reptile community i find alot that you seem to like to start arguments or take things to a place that the conversation never should have gone to. You put people on their heels alot when it really wasnt needed. The way you word things seem to be more on the aggressive side then nessesary.
 

Bntegus

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when james replies its out of heart lol some people just try to hard to take care of these animals and that is worse james cares for the animal so the people have a hard time dealing with it. lol i like all your post james.
 

laurarfl

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Mean is not the word I would choose. James, I know you don't care for me, do you want to have this on-line conversation?
 

james.w

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Ujarak said:
I have been reading this forum for quite some time although only have recently made an account. While i respect your knowlege in the reptile community i find alot that you seem to like to start arguments or take things to a place that the conversation never should have gone to. You put people on their heels alot when it really wasnt needed. The way you word things seem to be more on the aggressive side then nessesary.

So maybe my wording is portraying a negative/argumentative tone?
laurarfl said:
Mean is not the word I would choose. James, I know you don't care for me, do you want to have this on-line conversation?

I'll respect it either way.
 

laurarfl

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Yes. It is the wording. And it is not that people are too sensitive (all the time), it is how people are used to being talked to in their real lives.
And I'm sure it isn't always intentional.
 

Ujarak

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I would say your wording seems to be on more of the aggressive side yes. At least thats how it seems to be perceived by myself and obviously others if this is being brought up like this. like laurarfl said the way your first post sounded, if anyone had a problem with you they were just being to overly sensitive. I myself tend to have a temper and find myself doing the same thing in my work as a construction foreman and have had to make a serious effort to control the way I respond to people. I get better response out of my employees when i have a less offensive tone. Its much the same here. Your a moderator and have control on this website. People in a controlling position should be on more of the encouraging side of things. There are those occasions you have to light somebody up but it shouldn't be a constant thing.
 

james.w

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I am no longer a moderator, and you felt confident enough to come forward and post. I think the ones that don't post are the ones that are overly sensitive so they won't have an explanation as to why/how I am too mean/harsh. You and Laura both have legitimate points and I will work on those things.
 

Dana C

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I don't always think James is right or wrong in his comments on husbandry. Everyone is entitled to an opinion based upon their personal experience. No one is completely right or wrong on this forum or any forum, (including Varanus.net). I think that what exasperates many people is the expression of an opinion that they haven't earned. What I mean by that is, the stated opinion based upon here say. It is the "some guy/girl told me..." syndrome. I personally don't know anyone that I would trust implicitly about much of anything especially my critters. I read, I hear, I digest, I experiment safely, and especially really dig deep for information based upon real world studies, and those observations that are documented by people that take the time to do so.
A perfect example are care sheets for both T. merianae and some of the varieties of Varanus. What works for one animal may not be perfect for another. Temperature tolerance, diet, humidity etc. thresholds can vary substantially. I found several care sheets for both species that contradict one another. That is just the way it is.

One thing that is paramount in importance, at least to me, is how we verbalize what we believe. I am a moderator on another Tegu forum and always admit that I don't always have an answer. I have an opinion based upon what I have experienced and read. I still ask for advice and other personal experiences and not what someone was told.

I want everyone that has a need to feel like any question can be asked and gauge my response accordingly.
 

Aba Zappa

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general rule of thumb end everything in "lol" so people know you're not trying to be mean.

ex. i know you want a tegu but you're to broke to properly care for such a creature your want should not risk somethings life....lol

see went from insulting to ha ha he has a point though.
 

james.w

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Dana C said:
I think that what exasperates many people is the expression of an opinion that they haven't earned. What I mean by that is, the stated opinion based upon here say. It is the "some guy/girl told me..." syndrome.

This is one of my biggest peeves.
 

frost

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james.w said:
I am no longer a moderator, and you felt confident enough to come forward and post. I think the ones that don't post are the ones that are overly sensitive so they won't have an explanation as to why/how I am too mean/harsh. You and Laura both have legitimate points and I will work on those things.
hey thats not fair i was working lol. i think iv said this in other posts. but sometimes people think something and type something else but dont mean it to be offensive thus there is a communication error of sorts and people take offense when that wasent the original intention. i have been accosted numerous time online for some things i have typed and wasent meant to be mean or offensive but came off that way.
 

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