# Parents



## datflack89 (Apr 14, 2012)

So my parents are not letting me get a black and white tegu. I have the job, can pay for all of the expenses, have the space.... If it were for these circumstances i would respect their decision. BUT the reason they are not letting me get one is for the sole fact that they are scared of one.. They are literally scared that it will get out of his enclosure at night and attack them or something.. This is completely irrational and i don't even think if he got out his initial thinking would be to attack the first thing he sees.... like i said i would ultimately respect their decision but i just feel so disappointed that the reason i will not be getting one of these great animals is because of their completely ridiculous fear of one.. how can i change their minds?


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## TegusRawsome80 (Apr 14, 2012)

A. How old are you? B. I can give you tons of advice, as I have a lot of experience with parents and animals. I'm 18 and have gotten my parents to the point where they are perfectly comfortable with most reptiles. My mom likes the reptiles and has offered to care for them during college. With that being said, I think you need to help them overcome the fear. If you know anyplace they can interact with a large lizard or tegu that is tame, I think that seeing that would help them. Show them Rick Siscoes tegu interaction video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=jva0NDlT_wk It truly shows how tame tegus can become. Also, explain to them that the tegu won't be big for quite a while in which time they will be able to get used to it. This all depends on age and the parents. If you're over 15 I doubt convincing them will be to hard, but if you're under it may be harder.


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## m3s4 (Apr 14, 2012)

Tegusareawesome80 - I was going to suggest the exact same video. As a matter of fact, the tegu attention video is actually the same video that sealed the deal for tegus becoming a permanent part of my life. 

Despite your best efforts, they may be in vain. 

However...

I don't know the situation with you and your parents but 10 minutes spent on YOUTUBE watching any video(s) pertaining to "tame tegu" will give a great representation of their incredibly docile, intelligent, and often attention seeking behavior(s). 

It's a shame they can't meet Ally, my 5 year old B&W. She's as tame as any cat or canine, loves affection, gets pampered by my GF to no end (including getting pedicures, painted toe-nails and daily showers with her) and is as gentle as they come. If anything, she's quite shy when she first meets people and wants one of us to hold her or try and comfort her until she's sure she isn't in danger. Pretty much the exact opposite of a tegu looking to get out of it's enclosure and attack someone or something. 

Good luck in your endeavor to acquire one of these beautiful animals. If you get one, I guarantee your parents will have a change of heart when they actually get to interact with him/her.


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## datflack89 (Apr 14, 2012)

I'm 17 years old, and I was thinking about that video but it may freak them out because of how many there are in that enclosure. Like I said I am 100 % positive I can care for it. Also we're are in the process of moving within a month or two but I told them that it will not get to its adult size in at least a year because of the hibernation. And that will not need it's adult size enclosure until after we move. I wish I had somewhere to go to show them a tegu. There is the white plains expo on April 22 but I don't know if they'll have tegus or if varnyard will be sold out by then

They also just said that they feel bad that such a big animal needs to stay in an enclosure. Even though I said they love a way better life in captivity


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## Bubblz Calhoun (Apr 14, 2012)

_Hibernation is not a guarantee and they can reach 3' before they're a year old. At 17 what are your plans for the near future graduation, college, and getting your own place? 

Not everyone gets over their fears so you may be better off waiting until you're settled with your own place. I could have just about anything fuzzy that I wanted when I was younger just not reptiles, especially snakes until I moved out. Sometimes that just the way it is._


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## datflack89 (Apr 14, 2012)

If college was an issue I would have stated it. I have had reptiles and before everyone they were scared and grew to love them.


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## TegusRawsome80 (Apr 14, 2012)

Okay, well if college isn't an issue then by all means try for a tegu. Show them the video and show that all those tegus are tame and most are if you hold them when they're young.


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## datflack89 (Apr 14, 2012)

Im more worried about running out of time and not being able to get one until next year


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## TegusRawsome80 (Apr 14, 2012)

There will be some available throughout the year don't worry.


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## Bubblz Calhoun (Apr 14, 2012)

_I'm gonna keep this simple and leave it at that. 

If you have been in a similar situation where they grew to love your reptiles. Then you should already know what to do and exactly what it takes to get them to change their mind.

Even with that, some people have fears that they refuse to face no matter how ridiculous it may seem to you.

Therefore you have two choices. 

Do what you know to try and see if they change their mind and get over it. 

Or Deal with it until you get your own place and can have what you want._


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## datflack89 (Apr 14, 2012)

Bubblz Calhoun said:


> _I'm gonna keep this simple and leave it at that.
> 
> If you have been in a similar situation where they grew to love your reptiles. Then you should already know what to do and exactly what it takes to get them to change their mind.
> 
> ...



I appreciate your replies, but I made this thread so anyone who had a video, fact about tegus to help me out with convincing my parents to allow one could share it with me. I understand what it takes to own one for I have greatly researched this species of reptile. If there was something holding me back from getting one I would realize it and not buy one. If no other person on the site had anything to tell me to help me convince them, the thread would dim down by itself. I do not appreciate your questioning of my future and if i could own one or your pushing me away from my own thread trying to tell me to convince them with my own knowledge. I simply made this thread to receive any help from other users of this site if possible. I feel both of your replies to be "in my face" on the topic of buying a tegu and not answering what i have asked of this sites users. So if you have nothing else to add to help me convince them don't reply back stating something irrelevant. and if no one else has anything to share with me to show them, so be it, and the thread will die down. thank you


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## TegusRawsome80 (Apr 14, 2012)

There's no reason to get so emotional over someone checking to make sure that you won't have issues with college since you're a 17 year old many of whom will be going to college next year. If you're not going to accept some people trying to give you advice then you clearly aren't ready to convince your parents that you're capable of this. They're going to ask you the exact same questions.


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## datflack89 (Apr 14, 2012)

I am not emotional over it. But I'm offended to be questioned by someone whether or not I could keep something when they have no idea who i am. that's not why i made the thread. if that were the issue I would have made a thread asking for ideas of what to do with a tegu when going to college. I understand the choices I have of convincing them or waiting until i get my own place. im just asking for help convincing them. i understand his concern but it is not necessary.


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## TegusRawsome80 (Apr 14, 2012)

So what are you going to do with the tegu when going to college? If you understand his concern then why are you angry? Getting questioned by people isn't always a bad thing. No one's personally attacking you they're just making sure you know what you're getting into and have it all mapped out.


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## fox020708 (Apr 14, 2012)

Well. In my opinion nobody should have to answer personal questions. And if he knows he can take care of it, nobody should question his ability of doing that.

if i were you id show them the sisco reptile video.. That may do the trick


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## AP27 (Apr 14, 2012)

You could show your parents how smart they are and that you can train them like a dog! lol. Just tell them its a hairless puppy haha. I trained mine to come when called and do a little tri-pod stand on command. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Kdncu7TWCg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwFuvitjiNE

...of course now he's way bigger and too lazy to do the stand up trick anymore lol. A lot of people on here have absolutely adorable pictures of their tegus as well that show off their cuddliness He even gets along with my cats. Hardly something that would escape and attack. lol







There's plenty of evidence of their positive, non-aggressive nature on this forum, just gotta dig around for it a bit. Check out some of the picture threads and such, you'll find something. But if they can't be swayed, then they can't be swayed. Then I guess you'd just have to wait. ...or just bring one home and say "guess what I got?"  lol...though that may not go over well.


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## Bubblz Calhoun (Apr 14, 2012)

_Changed my mind,.. not leaving it at that. _



datflack89 said:


> I feel both of your replies to be "in my face" on the topic of buying a tegu and not answering what i have asked of this sites users.



_You asked "how can I change their minds?" which I answered more than once you may not be able to. 
Since it's something you've been through before and they came around then what's the problem now? Maybe there's more to it than just their "ridiculous fears" as you put it of tegus._



datflack89 said:


> your pushing me away from my own thread



_Nobody's trying to run you away from your thread but it's a public forum that anyone registered can respond to. Whether you like the answers you get or not and I guarantee (like this one) you won't. There's nothing you can do about it,.. besides take it for what it is or leave it and move on. 

There was nothing offensive about what I said or even how I said it. But if you took it that way then so be it, take it what ever way you like. _



datflack89 said:


> I do not appreciate your questioning of my future and if i could own one



_Of course I'm questioning you, it's the internet, I don't know you,... if I did then hopefully I'd know more and wouldn't have to question you. If you stick around long enough you'll see more threads, from more people asking the same questions, with the same woe is me attitude and my parents this or that sob story who thought they were ready. Then they're re homing or selling that same tegu a few months later over something that could have easily been prevented. 

Get use to it,. there's always going to be somebody questioning you. Who doesn't agree with you (or me), your opinions or anything else. Just the same as rules and regulations about something you can, can't have or do. Whether you have your own place or not, some times you just have to suck it up, deal with it and move on._


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## TegusRawsome80 (Apr 14, 2012)

^^^ That... And why shouldn't people have to answer personal questions? No one's forcing him to. We're just asking him. He's acting hostile in return.


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## got10 (Apr 14, 2012)

Why all the hostility? All people are try to do is HELP you convince your parents on how to allow you to obtain and house a tegu. And since everyone here started out WITHOUT one ,before they HAD one. They would be the ones to know how to GET one into a home. God gave you one mouth and two ears for a reason ,to talk half as much as you listen.


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## james.w (Apr 14, 2012)

Wait until you turn 18 and have your own place.


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## got10 (Apr 14, 2012)

datflack89 said:


> So my parents are not letting me get a black and white tegu. I have the job, can pay for all of the expenses, have the space.... If it were for these circumstances i would respect their decision. BUT the reason they are not letting me get one is for the sole fact that they are scared of one.. They are literally scared that it will get out of his enclosure at night and attack them or something.. This is completely irrational and i don't even think if he got out his initial thinking would be to attack the first thing he sees.... like i said i would ultimately respect their decision but i just feel so disappointed that the reason i will not be getting one of these great animals is because of their completely ridiculous fear of one.. how can i change their minds?



Its their house . Move into your OWN place . And I mean a house not an apartment So that way you have to answer to no one but yourself. THAT should close the whole situation for you since YOU seem to have all the answers.


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## TegusRawsome80 (Apr 14, 2012)

We should add a "like" option to these forums lol.


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## fox020708 (Apr 14, 2012)

Wow.. lol what a harsh thread


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## TegusRawsome80 (Apr 14, 2012)

Hahaha really right now? How is this harsh?


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## fox020708 (Apr 14, 2012)

just a lot of fighting for a reptile forum


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## TegusRawsome80 (Apr 15, 2012)

I don't think anyone's fighting, so much as responding but okay. No one's swearing or anything. Compared to some threads this one is very nice.


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## glk832 (Apr 15, 2012)

got10 said:


> Why all the hostility? All people are try to do is HELP you convince your parents on how to allow you to obtain and house a tegu. And since everyone here started out WITHOUT one ,before they HAD one. They would be the ones to know how to GET one into a home. God gave you one mouth and two ears for a reason ,to talk half as much as you listen.



Lol I like that's

Lol man ive read all the post and guys remember dude is 17 lol he still has growing to do.... Coming from a house hold similar bro I understand tha situation..... As a parent now I understand your parents too... Best thing I did was move out WHEN I WAS READY....Tha money you have now will go toward food rent light clothes a lot of other things beside animals and tegus are not cheap..... Just weigh all your opinions and remember tegus will still be here in a yr or two if your not ready yet.... Trust me im about 7 yrs your senior... I wish I listened more when I was your age and thought things through to the fullest .


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## laurarfl (Apr 16, 2012)

It's a rhetorical question, not a question he has to lay an answer out to the forum. But it is a good question(s). And it isn't confrontational.


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## chelvis (Apr 16, 2012)

I doubt this will get read because I am sure the OP is done but I got some advice that may work. When I was 15 is when my attention started to move away from geckos and onto larger reptiles, first with an ackie monitor and then a plated lizard. They were nothing huge so my mom didn't mind but they were larger and needed more space than anything before. When I was 16 I started to work outside the house and my breeding operation really took off. I was at the SPCA on day and saw a large monitor being brought into the shelter. I was an Argus monitor with only three legs, some stuck shed and really skinny. The whole shelter staff was scared to death because it was lashing out at everyone. It had been found wondering the streets so they had to do a three day hold on it. I asked the desk clerk what would happen to the monitor in three days. He went to check and he said that the animal would most likely be put down due to its wild nature and because no wildlife center would take it. From looking at it I could tell its main problem was it was hungry, an hungry monitor is a very unhappy monitor. I left my number and info for a hold on the animal and went home. 

My mom was 100% against the animal. I did not hind any detail. I told her it was wildish, not tame, very sick, injured and large (the monitor was about 4 feet nose to tail). By the time the three day hold was over, Tripod came home with me to make a full recovery. A year later I did find a nice wildlife center to take tripod who had calmed down a lot. 

So what changed me moms mind? How did a 16 year old convince a mom who is more into fluffy pets to allow a 4 foot monster into her house and take up half the garage? Simple I wrote a paper. 

I wrote a paper highlighting the care and housing aspect, the feeding bill and cost estimate (i doubled everything because lets face it all animals cost more than one expects) and I wrote out a future plan for the animal. I was going to college and knew that having this animal in the dorm would not be allowed, so a friend of mind that was staying behind offered to come and care for him and I would fly down (on my own dime) to care for him. The paper was about 5 pages in length, it had everything from natural history to personal stories on ownership. My mom was impressed that I cared that much and put that much effort that she allowed me to get the animal, on one condition if it escaped even once it was going back to the shelter. He escaped twice but she never found out so lets keep that on the DL. 

Now I did have a sob story of "oh he will die otherwise" and yes I played that hand a lot. Best advice I can give you is do not lie to your parents, try to show your passion for not just tegus but all reptiles. Tripod allowed my mom to see how much I truly care for my reptiles, the geckos she saw more as a money making thing. Even so she took care of my pets when I wa left with the hard choice of sell them or not move on and she was there to take care of them instead. You also have to respect some parents fears. My mom hates, and means hates snakes, so I have never pushed that issue. I am proud to say now after 20 years she will finally go into the reptile house at the zoo and see the snakes in the house. Most importantly do not go behind your parents back, if you have your own place that fine, but you really want your parents to be allies on this not the enemy, after all you are going to be using the household electric for heating and the fridge and freezer for food storage.

I know it can feel unfair sometimes when you are 17 or 18 and everyone is telling you no. Sometimes it is better to wait. I didn't get a tegu for years, I had wanted one scense I first saw one when I was 13, it was not I was 19 living in my own apartment that one finally arrived. Bosco came on Dec 20th, 2006 it had been 6 years of planning and waiting and wanting. I will tell you that 6 years built up loads of emotion that that tegu now recives. I don't think I have ever had a reptile that is more part of my family and life then he has been. So waiting has it advatages, but I agree waiting sucks. 

I hope this wasn't too long winded. Keep your chin up and if not this year next year. Best of luck!


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## Dana C (Apr 16, 2012)

datflack89 said:


> I am not emotional over it. But I'm offended to be questioned by someone whether or not I could keep something when they have no idea who i am. that's not why i made the thread. if that were the issue I would have made a thread asking for ideas of what to do with a tegu when going to college. I understand the choices I have of convincing them or waiting until i get my own place. im just asking for help convincing them. i understand his concern but it is not necessary.



It seems to me that your comment should extend to your parents. You want help convincing them to let you have a Tegu. No one here knows your parents either. How does anyone know what their real reasons for not wanting a Tegu in the house are without chatting with them? 

I am 63 and just last year began building my collection. I don't have a wife or girlfriend to say "No" and I live very frugally to indulge my love of Lizards. In other words, I have spent and continue to spend a lot of my fixed income on the critters that I love. My life is stable at this point.

You and your parents are moving in a couple of months. Why not wait until the move is behind you and broach the subject when your and their lives are a little less frantic. In other words, cut your folks a break. There will always be Tegus for sale and your life, interests and direction will change after you turn 18. Give yourself a break and chill a bit. 

Make the move and then start buying what you will need. Get your caging, lighting and heating put together first. Show you parents that you want to be a serious reptile enthusiast. Buy books and read them where your parents can see you reading. Talk to them about the science, taxonomy, habitat etc. Offer to pay rent when you turn 18. Make sure you have enough money for your own freezer to keep frozen rodents in. Buying in bulk is the only way to make this affordable. I have 400 frozen mice in my freezer. Will your folks be ok with that?

By your standards, I am an old man. I have heard what people, adults and children, inlcuding my own, say they are going to do but don't for a lot of years. Show them, don't tell them. Start with buying the stuff you will need. Visually prove you are serious, and capable of entering the hobby and serious about staying in it. Also talk to your folks about what you plan to do when you move away from home, how you plan to care for your lizard when you are away, how you plan to interaction with your Tegu everyday without fail, how you will abandon part of your social life for your hobby........what, no one told you?

:huh:


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## laurarfl (Apr 16, 2012)

I had to wait until I moved out as well to really build my collection. I wanted all the animals, mom didn't. Now I can have whatever I want and and I built a business around it. Sometimes you just gotta wait. When my kids (16 and 18) want pets, I let them have them if it fits into our house, but sometimes I have to say No. And they have to respect my wishes. When you get on the other side of the fence, it makes more sense.....trust me.


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## sunflowercake (May 3, 2012)

I was surprised when I convinced my ultra conservative parents to let me have one. 

My issue was that my parents hated reptiles, despite not being afraid of them, because they thought anything cold-blooded was a "useless" pet because it wouldn't love you the same way a cat or dog would.

If your parents feel the same way, maybe it would help to show them how prepared you really are- the last thing they want is for you to fall into a "fad" and then become bored- that means they'd be the ones stuck taking care of a giant lizard.

So, I'm assuming you have a job so you can afford your tegu's appetite lol. Maybe start buying the little necessities- a starter tank (if you're buying a hatchling), the lights, the fixtures. Perhaps even start a savings account and actively move money into it.

Make sure you're staying on top of other priorities, too. For example, my parents saw me spend $500+ on supplies, which I honestly thought I'd be keeping in storage til I moved out. Yet, I kept my grades up and did all my usual chores. Next thing I know, they're telling me I can get one as long as I'm the sole person taking care of it, as long as I stay on top of my college work, and as long as I clean my bedroom and basement, haha.

Really, though. The hardest part is proving to them that you're serious about this commitment. I think it helped when my mother said to me, "You realize those things can live for 15 years, right?" and I replied, "That's why I like them so much, I love the fact that my future kids will be playing with my tegu when he's in his elder years!" Obviously, I'm thinking ahead, and for me their lifespan is a plus.

If all that fails, then start saving up money to move out. 
But remember, there is SOME truth in the "parents know best" saying. I begged for a Savannah monitor for years and was never allowed to get one- now I'm thankful my parents said no- it gives me a chance to realize a tegu is a far better match for me in my current state.


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## laurarfl (May 4, 2012)

I think that is such an awesome post, sunflowercake!

I have quite a few reptile pets that were given to my by parents whose kids grew tired of them. And the ferrets that one of my daughters wanted so badly are now mine.  But my other daughter was dying for an axolotl and cares for it religiously.

Not to say that the OP wouldn't be responsible, but these are the sorts of things that parents think about.


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