# too harsh



## james.w (Apr 5, 2012)

Apparently I have been being mean on the forums. I am curious if this is the case or if there are too many sensitive people on here that can't handle the information or ideas they post questioned??


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## monstruo-the-tegu (Apr 5, 2012)

i really dont think your to harsh


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## reptastic (Apr 5, 2012)

Ill put it this way, you have a way of coming at people that makes them feel belittled, I have gotten a few pm's, the comment in that one thread in which I responded to you, you don't have to be sensitive to not want to be talked down too


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## james.w (Apr 5, 2012)

reptastic said:


> Ill put it this way, you have a way of coming at people that makes them feel belittled, I have gotten a few pm's, the comment in that one thread in which I responded to you, you don't have to be sensitive to not want to be talked down too



So because I don't sugar coat things, it is talking down to people? I don't feel I have talked down to anyone. If you don't mind could you post a few examples?


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## Bntegus (Apr 5, 2012)

what hurts is the truth lol doesn't matter how mean you are or aren't i think you just now what you are talking about and some times it hurts people feelings sorry if i was mean about my 2-cents


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## Grendel (Apr 5, 2012)

Your not too harsh, people are too
Sensitive, not enough natural selection takes place in today's world.


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## m3s4 (Apr 5, 2012)

Being mean? 

Really? 

Is this a forum of mainly adults or 3rd graders? 

From my experience on here and in the few times we've conversed, no, you aren't being mean. 

Candid, frank and to the point? Yes. 

Mean? No.

Ugh...You could always attach a disclaimer to your posts in the event you hurt someones e-peen in the process of chatting to them on a forum. 

It is the int3rw3bz, wi3rd things 4r3 kn0wn to h4ppin 4r0und h3r3.


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## laurarfl (Apr 5, 2012)

Well, the wording in your question will automatically turn away anyone who will probably want to answer. You give two choices: 1) James is mean 2) There are too many sensitive people on here that can't handle information posted or their ideas questioned. 

So it reads as if anyone who thinks a particular situation involving you is harsh is either insulting you or they are overly sensitive. There is no opportunity for objectivity and it is a flawed discussion from the beginning. In the end, people who think you are not mean and who believe they are not overly sensitive are the only ones who will post.


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## james.w (Apr 5, 2012)

m3s4 said:


> Being mean?
> 
> Really?
> 
> Is this a forum of mainly adults or 3rd graders?



This is great, do you mind if I use this as my signature??



laurarfl said:


> Well, the wording in your question will automatically turn away anyone who will probably want to answer. You give two choices: 1) James is mean 2) There are too many sensitive people on here that can't handle information posted or their ideas questioned.
> 
> So it reads as if anyone who thinks a particular situation involving you is harsh is either insulting you or they are overly sensitive. There is no opportunity for objectivity and it is a flawed discussion from the beginning. In the end, people who think you are not mean and who believe they are not overly sensitive are the only ones who will post.



I see your point. For those who feel I am too mean/rude/harsh/etc, they are free to post with an explanation that would show that I am mean and they are not overly sensitive. Reptastic posted his opinion and I don't feel he is overly sensitive nor did he insult me. Though I did ask for examples as I feel it is only fair. 

By the way Laura, do you have an opinion on the subject?


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## Ujarak (Apr 5, 2012)

I have been reading this forum for quite some time although only have recently made an account. While i respect your knowlege in the reptile community i find alot that you seem to like to start arguments or take things to a place that the conversation never should have gone to. You put people on their heels alot when it really wasnt needed. The way you word things seem to be more on the aggressive side then nessesary.


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## Bntegus (Apr 5, 2012)

when james replies its out of heart lol some people just try to hard to take care of these animals and that is worse james cares for the animal so the people have a hard time dealing with it. lol i like all your post james.


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## laurarfl (Apr 5, 2012)

Mean is not the word I would choose. James, I know you don't care for me, do you want to have this on-line conversation?


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## james.w (Apr 5, 2012)

Ujarak said:


> I have been reading this forum for quite some time although only have recently made an account. While i respect your knowlege in the reptile community i find alot that you seem to like to start arguments or take things to a place that the conversation never should have gone to. You put people on their heels alot when it really wasnt needed. The way you word things seem to be more on the aggressive side then nessesary.



So maybe my wording is portraying a negative/argumentative tone? 


laurarfl said:


> Mean is not the word I would choose. James, I know you don't care for me, do you want to have this on-line conversation?



I'll respect it either way.


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## laurarfl (Apr 5, 2012)

Yes. It is the wording. And it is not that people are too sensitive (all the time), it is how people are used to being talked to in their real lives.
And I'm sure it isn't always intentional.


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## Ujarak (Apr 5, 2012)

I would say your wording seems to be on more of the aggressive side yes. At least thats how it seems to be perceived by myself and obviously others if this is being brought up like this. like laurarfl said the way your first post sounded, if anyone had a problem with you they were just being to overly sensitive. I myself tend to have a temper and find myself doing the same thing in my work as a construction foreman and have had to make a serious effort to control the way I respond to people. I get better response out of my employees when i have a less offensive tone. Its much the same here. Your a moderator and have control on this website. People in a controlling position should be on more of the encouraging side of things. There are those occasions you have to light somebody up but it shouldn't be a constant thing.


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## james.w (Apr 5, 2012)

I am no longer a moderator, and you felt confident enough to come forward and post. I think the ones that don't post are the ones that are overly sensitive so they won't have an explanation as to why/how I am too mean/harsh. You and Laura both have legitimate points and I will work on those things.


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## Dana C (Apr 5, 2012)

I don't always think James is right or wrong in his comments on husbandry. Everyone is entitled to an opinion based upon their personal experience. No one is completely right or wrong on this forum or any forum, (including Varanus.net). I think that what exasperates many people is the expression of an opinion that they haven't earned. What I mean by that is, the stated opinion based upon here say. It is the "some guy/girl told me..." syndrome. I personally don't know anyone that I would trust implicitly about much of anything especially my critters. I read, I hear, I digest, I experiment safely, and especially really dig deep for information based upon real world studies, and those observations that are documented by people that take the time to do so. 
A perfect example are care sheets for both T. merianae and some of the varieties of Varanus. What works for one animal may not be perfect for another. Temperature tolerance, diet, humidity etc. thresholds can vary substantially. I found several care sheets for both species that contradict one another. That is just the way it is.

One thing that is paramount in importance, at least to me, is how we verbalize what we believe. I am a moderator on another Tegu forum and always admit that I don't always have an answer. I have an opinion based upon what I have experienced and read. I still ask for advice and other personal experiences and not what someone was told. 

I want everyone that has a need to feel like any question can be asked and gauge my response accordingly.


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## Aba Zappa (Apr 5, 2012)

general rule of thumb end everything in "lol" so people know you're not trying to be mean.

ex. i know you want a tegu but you're to broke to properly care for such a creature your want should not risk somethings life....lol

see went from insulting to ha ha he has a point though.


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## james.w (Apr 5, 2012)

Dana C said:


> I think that what exasperates many people is the expression of an opinion that they haven't earned. What I mean by that is, the stated opinion based upon here say. It is the "some guy/girl told me..." syndrome.



This is one of my biggest peeves.


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## frost (Apr 5, 2012)

james.w said:


> I am no longer a moderator, and you felt confident enough to come forward and post. I think the ones that don't post are the ones that are overly sensitive so they won't have an explanation as to why/how I am too mean/harsh. You and Laura both have legitimate points and I will work on those things.


hey thats not fair i was working lol. i think iv said this in other posts. but sometimes people think something and type something else but dont mean it to be offensive thus there is a communication error of sorts and people take offense when that wasent the original intention. i have been accosted numerous time online for some things i have typed and wasent meant to be mean or offensive but came off that way.


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## Josh (Apr 5, 2012)

Can't we all just get along...?


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## james.w (Apr 5, 2012)

Josh said:


> Can't we all just get along...?



Apparently not.


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## frost (Apr 5, 2012)

maybe if mankind somehow looses all emotion.


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## m3s4 (Apr 5, 2012)

For a minute I thought I was on facebook...

Oh wait.


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## Bntegus (Apr 5, 2012)

i love it i feel like a little kid lol. i dont even no what to say everything i think of will sound mean lol.


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## Dana C (Apr 5, 2012)

I for one am sorry to see you go.


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## tommyboy (Apr 5, 2012)

Dana C said:


> I for one am sorry to see you go.



I would agree. I'm hoping James continues to be a "posting freak"!


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## james.w (Apr 5, 2012)

I'm not sure what my involvement will be. I'm tired of all the whining and complaining. If you don't want advice, don't come on a public forum and ask for it, but then get upset when it isn't what you want to hear. Don't post pictures or information about yourself or what you have going on if you don't want questions or concerns addressed.


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## TeguBuzz (Apr 5, 2012)

I'm somewhat surprised by this. For one, I consider you (James), a straight to the point kind type guy. You find the wrongs in the situation and give very helpful tips and advice on how to turn those wrongs into rights. I personally see nothing mean in that. I never considered you mean, but personally I found you somewhat intimidating. Don't get me wrong, I say that in the most non-offensive way. What I'm trying to get at is that if I ever chose to get into a controversial thread that you had posted in and wanted to say something replying to your response, I really would think hard before posting just to make sure I'm not saying anything that was wrong. I don't think you've ever actually insulted anyone directly, if at all. I found you very helpful in almost all situations and would still go to you if I required any help. 

You (as well as the other mods) did your work as a mod pretty damn well in cleaning the forums of spam. If people found your approach to a situation harsh and mean, then they clearly were unaware of the fact that you were there to help. I like your choice of wording, "sugar coating" things isn't required when trying to help anyone. 

I'm hoping that you don't go off the forums - it wouldn't be the same, haha. I've been on here since October, which isn't too long of a time, but day one you welcomed me to the forums as did many others, and I kept up with most of your posts. You always had interesting things to say and obviously had evidence to back it up, so I don't see where all the "James is a meanie" came from. 

That's about all I have to say, I apologize if some of the things I wrote don't make complete sense, English is not my first language and my iPad keeps autocorrecting my spelling mistakes. Do stick around James!

-buzz


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## Bntegus (Apr 5, 2012)

i hope people on here no they are losing someone very needed here. like when dana went over to you no where sorry dana you didnt like what they told you but it all has some truth and so do you but thats what you get for asking someones 2-cents.


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## m3s4 (Apr 5, 2012)

Funny, I get home from work and my gf has fb drama. With her bff. 

Get on my favorite tegu board and read through a little drama. 

Then my gf calls and I get to hear a lot more drama. 

Then I notice my juvie Skoob is shedding, so I get off the phone and try to help him with the shed. Then he darts off, lifts his rear and ya, you know...does something that rhymes with escalates. I'm in the middle of cleaning it up and...

Then she calls again. More drama, she didn't get deleted, she just got blocked from viewing her friends "stuff". Now I'm like um, cool story bro to my girl cause I really gotta clean this stuff that rhymes with skit up because we all know it stinks like rotten sh}t, which under careful examination, it is. Sigh. 

Now, here I am again bwahahaha!

All I can say in regards to James is this:

Posts: 3,144
Joined: Aug 2010 
Reputation: 16 

Pretty much speaks for itself without having to say a word. 

Opps gotta go there's the gf calling again, she just texted me and told me more drama, Ally didn't potty in the tub, she instead decided to lay a nice 2 inch pile on her pink rug...ugh oh...

Drama, it's the new thing.


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## Compnerd7 (Apr 5, 2012)

I always thought you were very blunt, and to the point with your posts. It made you come across as cold blooded  haha. I was offended sometimes, then after a while of getting to know your style I'd think, "That's just james.w!". It's your style and personality. It just is what it is. 

As far as people "being too sensitive" and "this isn't 3rd grade" that is all fine and well. But being a nice person is just common courtesy, doesn't make you weak, doesn't make you lame. If anything it will help your information to actually take effect into peoples decisions. It also has a lot to do with respect for people, which you have to have as a moderator.

I can understand you getting sick and tired of people complaining and whining. One thing about being a moderator is you see and deal with the same crap that comes up week after week, month after month, year after year. You just have to deal with it, not let it get on your nerves. Some people are not the brightest, while others are more advanced in their thinking. You have to take the good with the bad, and just deal with it.

I hope you stay on the boards though, one positive thing I will say about you is you know your stuff, and always pop up to give advice.


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## TegusRawsome80 (Apr 5, 2012)

Hahahaha welcome to the 21st century. If people get offended by someone being up front with them then I don't know what the world's come to. I don't get offended by much and frankly I don't really care if others are offended by my opinions or the truth. I don't find you offensive at all for the record.


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## reptastic (Apr 5, 2012)

What you all have to realize is there's a way to deal with people, it may have not been the case of him being open and honest with someone, it could have very well been the basic deliverance that nay have offended that person, we need to worry more about education rather than who offended who, this site was created to help, teach and show off tegus but apparently were loosing our way


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## james.w (Apr 5, 2012)

reptastic said:


> What you all have to realize is there's a way to deal with people, it may have not been the case of him being open and honest with someone, it could have very well been the basic deliverance that nay have offended that person, we need to worry more about education rather than who offended who, this site was created to help, teach and show off tegus but apparently were loosing our way



There is actually more than one "way" to deal with people.


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## TegusRawsome80 (Apr 5, 2012)

Education comes in many forms, not just the oh it's okay that you're screwing up and putting your animal in danger type. I think that James not only brings a direct approach to the table but also can admit when he is wrong.


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## reptastic (Apr 6, 2012)

james.w said:


> reptastic said:
> 
> 
> > What you all have to realize is there's a way to deal with people, it may have not been the case of him being open and honest with someone, it could have very well been the basic deliverance that nay have offended that person, we need to worry more about education rather than who offended who, this site was created to help, teach and show off tegus but apparently were loosing our way
> ...



I didn't say there wasn't, its all about respect


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## Quartzyellowjacket (Apr 6, 2012)

*The members who are getting upset by James seem kinda childish*, comparing to a 3rd grade classroom seem off. The whole "James is being a big meanie" regresses to kindergarten, but when faced with a kindergarten problem, why not give a kindergarten solution? I remember back in kindergarten our class would tattle so much, so our teacher made the tattle bag. Whenever a kid would have a pointless tattle because John took their block or Joe stole an animal cracker you could waltz on over to the tattle bag and tell on them to their heart's content. Why not do something similar to that if people can't take advice or constructive criticism?


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## frost (Apr 6, 2012)

haha thats is hilarious but i think it a pretty good solution. if anything it will get some of that anger off peoples chest.


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## laurarfl (Apr 6, 2012)

Well...just to be objective....James is the one who said he was mean. And is it a "pointless tattle"? I really don't have a dog in this fight, so to speak. But it is odd that if someone has an objection to something, it is labelled as being childish or overly sensitive. Then again, if this is over a particular posting, I must have missed it. 

And is it an age thing? Maybe I'm just old and I see it differently, lol


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## Quartzyellowjacket (Apr 6, 2012)

laurarfl said:


> James is the one who said he was mean



True, but there have been a few people calling him negative, and rude.



laurarfl said:


> And is it a "pointless tattle"?


 
No, as stated earlier in this thread there have been people arguing with James calling him rude. When he asks for proof when he was being rude they do not supply it. So yes it would become a "pointless tattle" if it has no grounds to stand on, reverting to nothing more than what a child would do. Saying something happened but with no further means of proof or explanation.



laurarfl said:


> But it is odd that if someone has an objection to something



Heavens no, everyone has their own opinion including myself and you. Though this doesn't mean that an individual is right just because they are entitled to one.



laurarfl said:


> it is labelled as being childish or overly sensitive



In some cases using denotation or connotation of words depends on your meaning, by just using regular textbook definitions we can infer that "overly sensitive" would be the common case. BUT there are many emotional variables that could come into play so we can't fully condense into two categories if we get technical.



laurarfl said:


> if this is over a particular posting, I must have missed it



Perhaps, but I don't have the knowledge of what you have and have not read on this forum. So I will not assume of what you might have read.


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## reptastic (Apr 6, 2012)

I think its time to let this thread die down, everone posted their feelings so let it go


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## teguboy77 (Apr 6, 2012)

Im going to say it the way it is,me and jamesw always bumped heads and i dont care if you like me or not,and yeah i can be alittle hot headed and i admit that.But the way you come off like your give a complament and at the sametime trying to be a ,and i ll be the first person to tell a wise guy were to go,in person over computer etc,if you dont like a post dont reply pretty simple.I will say this there's no perfect person and honestly jamesw does try to help people and give good advise.I still feel he should stay being a moderator.I've had alot of reptiles and been keeping them for 24 years now and i still learn stuff new all the time,and this forum has great information and really smart and helping people lets keep it that way thank you.


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