# Thoughts on how we expect others to post



## Dana C (Jul 28, 2012)

I saw on one of the threads what I hope was a tongue and cheek mention to a new user something about "knowing the ropes"
I don't own this forum, I am not an administrator, monitor or any thing other than a man that owns a few lizards and snakes.

Here are a few thoughts about how I think about how and and what we post.

For the record, there are no "ropes" to learn on this site. Pictures or no pictures knowledgeable feedback, well thought out questions are always welcome at least by myself and most others. If you look, there are hundreds of people who visit the forum looking for answers or general information about their lizards and 99% of them will never post nor respond to a post. IMHO they are valued members as much as any of you or I.
What I am trying to say is that in addition to the few that seem to try and dominate the web site, there are also people that are helpful in a polite, welcoming and thoughtful way that we don't hear from enough. 
Yulyani, Laura FL, Frost, James, Bubblz and others always have great advice, well researched and presented in a palatable fashion. Hopefully I can count myself among those folks and the others whom I respect.

I really am not point the finger at any one. I just wish, that if we lived in a perfect world, many here would re-read their posts before hitting the "post thread" key. I had reduced my participation by 75% just because of the tone and content of many of the threads. Others have as well.
Reread what you are going to post, in fact read it out loud.
Does it say in both tone and content what you want or are you posting a "me too", or a contrarian view in a rude or critical tone? 
In other words take a step back and perhaps take it down a notch.


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## kim86 (Jul 28, 2012)

I've only been a member here for a few days and I already know which people you are probably referring to. Nothing is more unappealing than people who come off as know-it-alls that make an effort to demean someone just because they've asked a question, but there's a ton of nice people on this forum to make up for the few who try their hardest to be dinguses. Woo for nice people!


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## Dana C (Jul 28, 2012)

Thanks Kim!


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## frost (Jul 28, 2012)

couldn't agree with ya more.i think i read my comments around 10 times before i post. haha seeing my name being mentioned but a big smile on my face too.=D


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## nessanicolle (Jul 28, 2012)

I third this statement! I always try to be modest when asking questions or posting.


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## Thelegendofcharlie (Jul 28, 2012)

Dana C said:


> I saw on one of the threads what I hope was a tongue and cheek mention to a new user something about "knowing the ropes"
> I don't own this forum, I am not an administrator, monitor or any thing other than a man that owns a few lizards and snakes.
> 
> Here are a few thoughts about how I think about how and and what we post.
> ...



Ouch! Dana C,
that ropes comment wasnt meant to be taken literally.
Im not aware of any ropes on Tegu Talk either.
It was a friendly request to share pics.
Most of us seem to enjoy doing so on the forum.
sorry to offend


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## laurarfl (Jul 29, 2012)

I know where the comment came from, and I think it was made in a thread that is going down that path to unfruitfulness. A lot of comments are being made in that thread that wouldn't necessarily be made in another.

However, there was another recent thread that seemed to cause the absence of a few members that I rather like seeing on the boards. I won't mention names, but I enjoy seeing all of the involved people in that thread, and didn't take sides when they were arguing.

Everyone has something to contribute if it is posted with positive wording instead of throwing verbal darts. Even the repetitive questions may help the next new owner. I really have a pretty good sense of humor, but I never use it in my posts because it doesn't seem to come out well for me. That inflection and non-verbal language means a lot.

I like to post as if I am talking to someone face to face. Would I say that to someone's face? Is that how I want to be treated? Am I sure I have the correct information? What bothers me are internet anonymous "bullies" that will post negatively because they are hiding behind a username. I think it shows a lack of integrity and character.


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## Odonata (Jul 29, 2012)

I used to be much more active on a number of forums that relate to my personal interests. I realized over time that for some people forums are another social extension a little like Facebook. There are those that post for the sake of posting, to increase their post count, or just to provoke a response, and many other reasons. These posts often contribute very little to the forum - which from my perspective is a collection of mostly useful information. With the overload of information and misinformation online, forums provide a perspective that helps one filter out biased, vendor, seller, or simply inaccurate information.

Forum etiquette varies considerably by forum. I believe that for forums to be useful sites in terms of sharing information that they need to be well moderated. Very few of us are experts in the true sense of the word (regardless of area of expertise), and can only hope to share our personal perspectives related to the subject at hand.

I chose to register on this forum because there is clearly a core of members that are passionate and willing to contribute advice in a respectful informative manner. The written word is always difficult - we speak different languages, have different histories, social backgrounds, and many other variables that make it a challenging medium.


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## Dana C (Jul 29, 2012)

Thanks "Charlie". I was pretty sure that it was "tongue in cheek" and I didn't mean to pick on you specifically. I am just hoping for a little more civility, letting threads die when they become bash o' ramas, and a lot more respect shown to one another. 
As for hiding behind user names, I agree. On a couple of forums, some of the most experience keepers, highly educated forum members and those from academia, won't respond unless you use your real first name at the very least.
My name is Dana by the way.


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## Thelegendofcharlie (Jul 29, 2012)

It wasnt even so much tongue in cheek.
Honestly I hadnt read all of the thread, until after the fact when comments were made (about me) I read through the thread and seen it was becomeing - a little less than tastefull shall we say?
Had I seen this prior, I wouldnt have made my post.
It wasnt meant as sarcasm - i just hadnt seen the prior posts.
Far be it from me to jump in the fray of these petty arguments that have been erupting on the forum.
What I said was simply taken out of context.


and Dana I take little to nothing personally, I understand the point you felt you needed to make.
I appreciate your call for civility as well.
As of late there have been a few on the forum being very argumentative and berating to other members.
We are supposed to be a community. This should be a safe place to exchange thoughts and ideas among fellow hobbyist without the worry of verbal attacks and ridicule. 
Some recent posters I think should take a look at whether their words are a helpful contribution to this site, or being used as a weapon.
If it is the later, Im pretty sure theres another good site for that.


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## jwyo (Jul 29, 2012)

New guy here, and I appreciate all input good and bad that I can gather. I always try to remember that post count and time here really has nothing to do with actual experience, although it is an indicator. I have been on other forums where you would be jumped on just because of your post count if you offered an opinion or information. I haven't seen that here yet. One other helpful thing i have learned from years of rifle building forums as well as a few other reptile forums is to type my post, delete it, and then re-write it. Usually the first go round I get any "aggresion" out, and then re-writing it gives me the chance to clear my head and get the important info. written with out the ego. One other thing I try to do is lurk for a long while, even before I register to try and gauge the character of people and what the forum is really about. Some are there to tit and tat on a personal level and others are there for information and ideas.


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## laurarfl (Jul 29, 2012)

I hear ya, Dana.  My name is Laura R...I live in FL hahaha


Moderating is difficult at times. I moderate another forum which has a much clearer sense of what is tolerated and what is not. This one is a bit more difficult because of the wider range of personalities. The fighting used to be so bad that I stayed away because I didn't want to get involved in the "politics". I like the openness and discussion of so many topics that has come about.


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## james.w (Jul 29, 2012)

I agree and have something to add. When you post a question, but give little to know information, be prepared to answer questions. Also be prepared to hear you may be doing something wrong. If you post pictures, be prepared to hear either positive or negative feedback. If you don't want feedback or opinions maybe you shouldn't be posting on a public forum.


By the way I'm James W from Las Vegas.


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## tommylee22 (Jul 29, 2012)

+1 on your post! It should be all about helping each other out, share your experiance and know that not all situations are not the same as the next.




Dana C said:


> I saw on one of the threads what I hope was a tongue and cheek mention to a new user something about "knowing the ropes"
> I don't own this forum, I am not an administrator, monitor or any thing other than a man that owns a few lizards and snakes.
> 
> Here are a few thoughts about how I think about how and and what we post.
> ...


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## Bntegus (Jul 29, 2012)

dana is the coolest person on here.


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## Murkve (Jul 29, 2012)

I have to say, it's this sense of community that makes me happy to be a part of this board. Before I got a Tegu, I lurked on quite a few Varanus boards, and did not like what I saw. Don't get me wrong, everyone cared greatly about Monitors, and gave great advice, but many were very short with people who just wanted some help.

What is the saying? Honey attracts more flies than vinegar?


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## james.w (Jul 29, 2012)

A big problem with forums that has been brought up here recently is the lack of effort to research answers for ones self. This is the biggest issue on varanid boards, as well as everyone thinking they have their setup perfect even though they are told otherwise. I love the varanid boards because people are blunt and to the point.


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## dragonmetalhead (Jul 29, 2012)

Dana, I have always enjoyed reading your posts (especially about your monitor) and I appreciate all the advice on this site, whether or not it applies to my tegu. You always present the info a way that is easy to understand, yet thoroughly detailed (especially for a nerd like me ). You have brought up many good points, this being no exception. I realize people are opinionated (I know I am) but that shouldn't be used as an excuse to be rude, mean, or petty. Sadly, I have seen many posts that fall under the aforementioned descriptions. If we can all try to help each other out without ripping one another's throats out, not only do all the people win but all of our tegus win as well. Isn't the whole point of this forum to exchange info on the reptiles we love and to make their lives as great as possible? By the way, my real name is Grayson (aka Kodo's dad).


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## Murkve (Jul 29, 2012)

james.w said:


> A big problem with forums that has been brought up here recently is the lack of effort to research answers for ones self. This is the biggest issue on varanid boards, as well as everyone thinking they have their setup perfect even though they are told otherwise. I love the varanid boards because people are blunt and to the point.



I agree with you. I enjoy reading Varanid boards for that reason.

I feel like there is a lot of misinformation it there concerning Varanids, which may contribute a lot to the under informed "my setup is perfect" people that stop in. The real good Varanid info is relegated to the forums themselves, it seems.


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## jwyo (Jul 29, 2012)

I feel a tad diff. about a few varanid forums, while there is a wealth of information and experience there to gleen knowledge from, I find that many new members go there because of the wide descrepancies found in monitor "caresheets" found on the web, and find such abrasive replies that they are turned off. There is a huge numbers of "turn-over" memberships, many I suppose dont have the thick skin required, or are young folks. A bad experience can leave a real bad taste in their mouth and it may turn them off to the hobby/lifestyle.


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## james.w (Jul 29, 2012)

That is why research should be your number one priority. Browse the forums first, all the basics have been posted over and over. Then if you still have a question, post away. You will get a lot more respect as a keeper if you at least have your animal setup properly because you did some research for yourself and didn't need the info to be spoon fed to you.


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## jumper123 (Jul 29, 2012)

I think that everyone is and speaks different and we should expect/respect that. However although I would want to be told how to make things better/constructive critism, I Would appreciate if it was said in a kind way as well as maybe some people shouldn't get so defensive..


But I always enjoy the quick responses and helpful
Tips that everyone gives.. I'll have to read the other posts when I'm
Not on a crappy iPhone


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## Thelegendofcharlie (Jul 29, 2012)

fragile egos swing a large sword.


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## Dana C (Jul 29, 2012)

Great thoughts everyone. I for one, hate the words "constructive criticism. The criticism is criticism even if it is meant to be constructive in nature. Opportunities to learn and improve at anything presented as such, are food for thought and they tend to not create defensiveness. I personally don't get very animated at anything any more so whatever is directed at me that may be considered abrasive or petty, are usually ignored by yours truly.
On the other hand, I am the first to admit I am wrong about something, if I am presented with facts, research, references and experiences that are detailed. 

The fact that we are talking about it is a huge step in the right direction.


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## Murkve (Jul 29, 2012)

Indeed. This thread right here is what I like about this forum. Always willing to discuss, always willing to share.


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## Diablo (Jul 29, 2012)

A lot of the reasons I feel like people repost a certain question is because it just feels better hearing someone's opinion or view on your specific situation. I very well know i've posted questions that Ive read the answer to beforehand. However, I always ask to be sure because I've read things on this forum before and then asked the same question and got a different, more informative answer. Usually this is not the case, but when I read somewhere that I should use reptisun 5.0 uvb and then I post and everyone tells me 10.0 I feel a lot better asking a minor quick question for myself because I like to go on further from that question and learn all I can about why should I use that and where is the cheapest place to get it and what are some experiences with this product etc. What im trying to say, is that I do sometimes ask questions that I know the answer to, but I just like to make sure it is correct and then i like to continue the discussion and learn more if possible.

Sent from my DROID RAZR


I'd also like to point out that this forum will always have a little clash between members from time to time. It's human nature, and it's great that we can discuss it and improve on it, but unfortunately there will always be that one person that has had a bad day and comes here and maybe accidentally takes it out on the wrong people. As long as the rest of us recognize this and try to avoid it ourselves, we will only better this forum. I try to put my two cents in wherever I can, even though I do not have my first tegu yet and I do not have a lot of experience with reptiles I am making sure that I stay well informed and take care of my first tegu the best I can even if that means asking questions over again just to make sure I have the right answer.

I would've put this in the post above but apparently we can only edit a post within 10 minutes after posting? Has that always been the case?


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## laurarfl (Jul 30, 2012)

Yes, Diablo, I think it is....only edit for 10 min. And ask all the questions you want. That is what a forum is for. I think what james is referring to and what is frustrating is when some one asks, "Why won't my tegu eat?" and that's it. There's no info about set-up, diet, previous health, etc. Just one line questions. And if it is posted right above another "My tegu won't eat" question, then it appears that the second poster did not even read the first post. KWIM?

Sure there are going to be conflicts on the boards and personality clashes, it is how things are handled that makes a difference for me. And I think a board needs to be inclusive first....a sort of socially acceptable form of conduct. Like if you were having dinner at a restaurant with a bunch of people that you just met, how would you behave? If you normally drop the "f bomb" in every sentence, no one is judging you, but might ask you to curb your language to create a family friendly atmosphere and it really turns a lot of people off. No one wants you to leave, just to monitor yourself. That "you" is not aimed at anyone, just chattering.

It is about asking for acceptance of differences but also being willing to change yourself. Or asking for tolerance while being tolerant. Kind of a give and take. So while some do need to be less sensitive (myself included), some need to be less aggressive. But in the end, if I think there is something going on that will rub me the wrong way, I just stay out of the conversation. I save my energy for the real world conflicts.


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## Bubblz Calhoun (Jul 30, 2012)

_We all have our days where we get frustrated with something and the thread can get a little,... thick, some more than others. I don't spend as much time on forums as I use to because sometimes the repetition gets to me. There's a difference between someone who tries and really needs the help compared to someone who doesn't or even does but wants everything handed to them. 

I don't mind helping out, I wouldn't be here if I did and most of my life and education wouldn't revolve around the medical field for people and animals.

But sometimes people really should take the time to help and educate themselves instead of being so dependent on others. We all need a support system no matter what shape or form. But it can also be abused and become more of a handicap (like most things) if and when it's not properly used. Too many people look for and expect a quick and easy way out even when that's not the case. Things take time, so do your part First then sit back, observe, make adjustments (questions or what ever) if and when necessary and ride it out.

Yeah it can take time, which we all have whether we think so or not. When given a choice we all adjust and make time for what we need or want._


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## yulyani (Jul 30, 2012)

Dana is a well known person with humble personality !! Before I join this forum, I have joined others too. And I can say that this forum is the most honest and really informative for the reptile keepers like us. Beside the disscusion, if there is argument/debate is no problem,...I think that's why we should learn and listen from another...... Without communication it is not possible to see our needs to develop the better knowledge in reptiles husbandry....


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## Thelegendofcharlie (Jul 31, 2012)

laurarfl said:


> Yes, Diablo, I think it is....only edit for 10 min. And ask all the questions you want. That is what a forum is for. I think what james is referring to and what is frustrating is when some one asks, "Why won't my tegu eat?" and that's it. There's no info about set-up, diet, previous health, etc. Just one line questions. And if it is posted right above another "My tegu won't eat" question, then it appears that the second poster did not even read the first post. KWIM?
> 
> Sure there are going to be conflicts on the boards and personality clashes, it is how things are handled that makes a difference for me. And I think a board needs to be inclusive first....a sort of socially acceptable form of conduct. Like if you were having dinner at a restaurant with a bunch of people that you just met, how would you behave? If you normally drop the "f bomb" in every sentence, no one is judging you, but might ask you to curb your language to create a family friendly atmosphere and it really turns a lot of people off. No one wants you to leave, just to monitor yourself. That "you" is not aimed at anyone, just chattering.
> 
> It is about asking for acceptance of differences but also being willing to change yourself. Or asking for tolerance while being tolerant. Kind of a give and take. So while some do need to be less sensitive (myself included), some need to be less aggressive. But in the end, if I think there is something going on that will rub me the wrong way, I just stay out of the conversation. I save my energy for the real world conflicts.



Very well put Laura.


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